2013 NL Central Predictions: Frontman Edition


Satisfaction. Walk This Way. Breaking The Law. Ain’t Talkin’ ‘Bout Love. Welcome To The Jungle. These jams are obviously only a few songs performed by the some of the most legendary frontmen in rock & roll history. A huge part of the reason these songs are so recognizable is the larger than life figures (Mick, DLR, Steven Tyler, etc…) singing and thrashing live crowds with them. In this prediction segment for the NL Central, I will be giving a shout out to some of the greatest frontmen to ever perform… and some not so great. Either way, I guarantee satisfaction by the end of this post.

Mick JaggerDivision WinnerCincinnati Reds – Mick Jagger
1st place, division crown… Look no further than the best rock & roll frontman ever for that spot. Though it must be said, I actually have more confidence in the Cardinals to win the division. I’m shaking things up a bit like Mick does at every concert the Rolling Stones play. I’m a huge fan of Joey Votto. He is the reason the Reds narrowly edged out Cardinals as my pick – with his leadership and overwhelming consistency. Jay Bruce is also a nice power bat and I think Todd Frazier will be a big contributor and become a household name playing 3B. Personally, I wanted to see Aroldis Chapman in the starting rotation. I get that he was a dominate closer last season, but I think he is capable of taking the next step and pushing the Reds deeper into the playoff fold than they’ve been the past few years. Especially when Mike Leake and Bronson Arroyo are “mainstays” in the rotation. I will hold Dusty Baker personally responsible if this team doesn’t make the run many are expecting.

Steven Tyler2nd Place – Wild Card BerthSt. Louis Cardinals – Steven Tyler
Forget “Dude Looks Like A Lady”… this dude looks like Mick Jagger! Not that he needs that parallel to be considered amongst the most legendary frontmen of all time, but it works since I was initially torn between picking the Reds or the Cardinals for winning the Central in 2013. The “Sweet Emotion”, otherwise known as team chemistry (for the article’s purpose), is why I have no fear in picking the Cardinals to very much compete for the division title. I have zero doubt that Adam Wainwright will be the guy people remember from 2010 more so than the 2012 version. The guy that Aroldis Chapman should be for the Reds. I really like the meat of the St. Louis order with Beltran, Holliday, and Craig. The only question is whether each of them can stay healthy for the entire season? The Cardinals role players always pop up and do something more than expected and that is the type of play you need to contend. Easy wild card pick for me.

3rd Place – Milwaukee Brewers – David Lee Roth
(With and Without Ryan Braun)

Before- After
Before – After

Ryan Braun is a superstar, no doubt (See DLR before shot). If he gets nabbed for a suspension this year after avoiding last season’s 50 game suspension for performance enhancing drugs… the Brewers season might be looking more like DLR’s after photo. And nobody wants that. It seems like this division never gets any better or any worse once you get past the Reds and Cardinals. This is the same prediction I had last season from 3rd to last (with Houston finishing 6th) and there no reason for me to think otherwise. The only factor that could change it would be a Braun suspension. Milwaukee’s pitching is Milwaukee’s pitching, meaning past ace Yovani Gallardo nothing really matters. I’ve seen multiple outlets predicting a breakout year for Carlos Gomez… that does absolutely nothing to sway my opinion.

4th Place – Pittsburgh Pirates – Fred Durst
Ok… this is where we start to dive into the “not-so-great” frontmen. If you’re reading this and you think the Fred Durst association is a good thing, you’re dead wrong. Durst is complete garbage. So much so that I’m not even putting a picture of his mug on my blog. Granted I don’t think the Pirates are complete trash, I do believe they are still a team that will not break the .500 mark this season. Andrew McCutchen – Stud, I get that. The rest of the line-up – an overflowing kitty litter box. Until I see some glimmer of hope from the starting staff, I will NOT pick these guys above 4th in the division. If the Cubs somehow surge with their young players, I could see them pushing Pittsburgh for 4th.

5th PlaceChicago Cubs
The “Mmmm mmmm mmmm mmmm” guy
Just watch the video and you’ll see exactly how bad this “frontman” is…
(It makes me sick… to even have this guy and frontman in the same sentence.)

I will put this as simply as I possibly can. Starlin Castro, and Anthony Rizzo have major potential. Jeff Samardzija could be this year’s Chris Sale – a very dominate pitcher every 5th day and anchor the staff. But I really do hate the rest of this roster. I hate that the players seem to quit once the all-star break comes in July because the Cubs are nowhere near contention. Last time I checked the Chicago Cubs were an actual Major League Baseball team, I just wish they’d play the part. Hence, they got some nobody singer from the one hit wonders – The Crash Test Dummies.

Please check out my other prediction segments! The NL West is yet to arrive, but please be patient.
AL East
AL Central
Al West
NL East

4 replies to “2013 NL Central Predictions: Frontman Edition

  1. I gotta say, Johnny likes that song, “mmmm mmmm”, or whatever it’s really called…come on, that’s a real name? Granted, it’s not anything incredible, but Johnny can totally grove to that jam, and doesn’t understand what’s so bad about that singer. He seems a little weird and silly, but so is Johnny, and he’s got nice hair…. You know, I’m not sure I AM satisfied now. You need to add a hot lady pic or something…. Although I did laugh at the barf pic.

    1. The Crash Test Dummies singer possesses zero frontman moxy or star power, which in turn, makes him a complete waste of space in the world of frontmen.

      Johnny, you can love the song all you want… but that doesn’t do anything for the dudes short comings….

      1. Clearly, you have opened my eyes. Now I know what must be done. Johnny must become a frontman, perhaps the frontman for a Fish with Horns? He’s got all the moxy, multiplied by foxy, and knows many lines spoken by Loxley…. Crash Test Dummies 4EVER!

      2. Alright, I’ve had enough. It’s in my head when I wake up, it’s in my bed when I shake it up, it everywhere!@ Waking up humming Mmmm mmmm is just too much for Fishman. It must end now!

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